The Importance of Praise

When used correctly, praise can be an extremely powerful tool. Tom Rath, co-author of How Full is Your Bucket? maintains that praise can be used to improve your marriage, add harmony to your relationship with your children, and increase worker productivity, job satisfaction, and loyalty. In this country, especially in the workplace, using praise is the exception rather than the rule, according to Rath. But if more people praised their children's accomplishments, their spouses' actions, or their colleagues' job performance, the world would be a happier, healthier place.

According to Po Bronson, writing in the February 12, 2007 issue of New York magazine, “by and large, the literature on praise shows that it can be effective—a positive, motivating force. In one study, University of Notre Dame researchers tested praise’s efficacy on a losing college hockey team. The experiment worked: The team got into the playoffs.”

“But all praise is not equal—and, as Dweck demonstrated, the effects of praise can vary significantly depending on the praise given,” Bronson writes. “To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific and sincere.” Rath and his co-author, Donald O. Clifton, use a simple metaphor (bucket and dipper) to explain the power of praise. Everyone has an invisible bucket, and it is always being emptied or filled. When the bucket is full, we feel good; when it's empty, we feel bad. Everyone also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people's buckets (by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions) we also help fill our own bucket. A full bucket gives us an optimistic outlook on life, while an empty bucket gives us a pessimistic outlook and saps our energy.

Rath explains that this theory can easily be used to improve your relationship with your spouse. "Research has shown that couples who have five positive interactions to one negative interaction are more likely to last," he says. "Just by looking at the way couples deal with each other, you can predict if they'll stay together." Rath points to research performed by John Gottman revealing that when the ratio approaches 1:1 (positive to negative interactions), the divorce rate increases dramatically.

Rath offers this advice to parents. "Continually praising a child can build up his or her reserves for dealing with big problems later in life. Learn as much as you can about what makes your child unique. Then focus on what these special traits are rather than trying to mold him into what you think he should be. Second, encourage your child to be a better bucket filler within his peer group, which will help build his or her social support."

To read Bronson’s entire article, titled “How Not To Talk to Your Kids—The Inverse Power of Praise,” visit http://nymag.com