Talking To Your Mom About Bladder Leakage

By Paul J. Watkins

If you've experienced bladder leakage, there's a good chance your mom has, too. There's a genetic basis for having stress incontinence, which often results from having a weak sphincter (the muscle that helps control the release of urine), so moms and daughters may both experience leakage as they get older. A daughter who has experienced bladder leakage and found treatment for it is in a unique position to help her mom find a solution, too.

In recent years, the topic of bladder leakage has become more out in the open on television, in magazines, and even in the conversations that women have with their friends. For many women of an older generation, though, there's still a reluctance to talk about bladder leakage with anyone—even their doctor or their own daughter.

Jean F. Wyman, PhD, APRN-BC, GNP, FAAN, FSGA, is a professor at the University of Minnesota School of Nursing. She is also Clinic Director of Minnesota Continence Associates. "I think it's helpful if a mother and daughter can talk about bladder leakage problems," says Wyman. She says that a daughter's experience in finding an answer to her bladder leakage often helps her mom find the courage to seek help for herself. If the daughter seeks treatment from a doctor or other healthcare provider, likes the doctor, has a good relationship with the doctor, and finds successful treatment under the doctor's care, that experience builds a relationship of trust between the daughter and her mom. "When the daughter talks to her mom about the positive experience she had with her doctor," explains Wyman, "her mom may say something like, 'You know, I think I want to go see that doctor and see if they might be able to help me, too.'"

One of the biggest barriers that keeps older women from seeking modern treatment, says Wyman, is a previous attempt to get help that turned out to be less than satisfactory. Often, an older woman with bladder leakage problems has gone to see her primary doctor in the past but didn't receive adequate care for her condition. Most primary doctors have a very short period of time in which to see a patient. In addition, they don't really know how to treat bladder leakage, and they don't know how to check for the problem. Then, if they do identify that there is a problem, they have to figure out what to do.

Wyman adds that some doctors may mistreat it, perhaps giving the woman a drug that may not be the type of treatment that's most effective for her problem. If that doesn't work, they may tell the woman there's nothing else that can be done. Also, some doctors are misinformed about bladder leakage, and they may minimize the problem, saying that it’s a normal part of getting older.

Wyman adds that if your mom has had a bad experience with one doctor, she might be hesitant to go to someone else. "People are very comfortable with their primary care physicians, and they don't want to rock the boat. They're afraid that their physicians might get mad if they go to someone else. If that one physician doesn't have the information and doesn’t know how to care for that problem, or hasn't cared appropriately for that problem, then it doesn’t get treated right."

Clearly, if you’re experiencing bladder leakage—or have experienced it in the past—you may be the best person to raise the subject with your mom. But how do you do that? Nancy Muller, Executive Director of the National Association for Continence, suggests talking about how bladder leakage impacts your quality of life. For instance, you could tell your mom that you're often tired because you have to get up many times during the night. Your mom will probably ask why you need to get up so often, and that gives you a chance to explain that you just have to use the bathroom a lot. Whatever approach you use, Muller encourages you to talk less about the bladder itself and more about how the leakage is affecting your quality of life.

Even daughters who have not experienced bladder leakage themselves can still talk to their moms about the topic. They can bring up the subject by telling their mom about an article they read in the newspaper or about an expert they saw on television. Perhaps the best way to start the conversation is by simply dispelling the myth that bladder leakage is a natural part of aging that your mom just has to accept. This is perhaps the biggest misunderstanding surrounding bladder leakage, and it's one that persists among older women. "That's the sad part of it because there are many, many treatments—some that are very simple treatments that are not very invasive—that can be very effective," says Wyman. "And, to date, age doesn't seem to be a factor in how successful these treatments are."

For more information about talking to your mom about bladder leakage, visit the following Web resources:

Minnesota Continence Associates www.nursing.umn.edu/continenceclinic/home.html
National Association for Continence www.nafc.org